Where You Least Expect It
by peanutilover
Summary: When Severus Snape’s niece and her best friend come to stay for the summer, he knows it’s going to be bad. And when you throw Draco Malfoy into the mix, it can only get worse. A romantic comedy full of surprises.
1. Prologue: A Bit of Bad News

_RIIINNNG! RIIINNNG! _

Snape reached out a hand lazily and picked up the receiver as he took his feet off his desk and plonked them on the floor. "Hello?" He put down the papers he was rifling through with distaste.

"Hey Sev, it's Chrissy! Merry Christmas!" Chrissy's voice was bouncy and hyper.

Snape rolled his eyes. He had never been one to enjoy Christmases, which was certainly the opposite of his wild, exuberant sister. "Yes, yes, Merry Christmas to you too. Where are you now? Zimbabwe? Madagascar? The Swiss Alps?" He asked with a smirk. His sister was usually too busy flying here or there to bother calling him. She was known for never standing still.

"Actually, I'm home at the moment for Lauren's Christmas break, since I won't be seeing her much this summer." Chrissy suddenly sounded almost business-like.

Snape raised an eyebrow and hurriedly stuffed some papers back into their manila folder. "Well, I'm sure that must be heartbreaking for you." He stated halfheartedly, not really paying attention to her high pitched voice anymore. Now, where did he put that briefcase? He searched around his desk for it while Chrissy tried to start a serious conversation.

"By the way, would you mind if she and a friend stayed the summer with you?" Chrissy asked almost too casually, as if trying to catch him off guard and trick her brother into saying yes.

Snape found the item he was looking for and gave an exclamation. "Ah-hah!" He hadn't heard a word his sister had just said. Standing up, he put his papers into it and frowned. "I'm sorry, did you say something?" He asked distractedly.

"Was that a yes?" Chrissy sounded astonished.

"Yes to what?" He decided he had better sit down and pay attention before he got himself in some kind of mess. Chrissy was known for asking people for favors. Usually she stayed clear of him, knowing full well how he viewed such requests.

"Can Lauren and her friend stay the summer with you?" Chrissy carefully restated her question.

"What? No, why on earth would I say yes to that?" Didn't she know him at all by now? His house wasn't a youth hostel however large it was. How dare she impose children on him like this? Just because she was stupid enough to have children didn't mean relations had to spend their time running after her responsibilities.

"Well, you see, Danielle's parents and I have planned a trip to the Amazon to study piranhas next summer, and we have nowhere to send the girls." Chrissy was near begging now, and with good reason. No one else would take on two teenage girls for a whole summer. Severus was her last resort.

Snape shook his head in disbelief. "Who is Danielle?" He'd never heard of the girl before. "Wait, never mind, I don't care. My answer's no Chrissy. I can't believe you didn't have enough sense not to ask me. Good day." He went to put down the receiver but was stopped by Christine's whining voice. Obviously distance had no affect on the pushiness of sibling relations.

"Severus! Wait, please, just consider it! You'll have two able bodied girls with nothing to do all summer but entertain each other. They could be useful!" Chrissy was desperate. She played on his dislike for doing housework. "They could cook, and clean, and they'd be able to go to the store for you!"

He couldn't get over how pathetic she could be sometimes. He rolled his eyes. Would he ever get out of the house and on his way to the pub? "If I wanted help, wouldn't I just hire somebody? You may have forgotten this, Christine, but I do enjoy my few solitary breaks throughout the year. I suggest you get some other poor individual with nothing to do but care for your ahem offspring to take them in. I am not that individual." He was getting impatient now.

Chrissy sighed, and said resignedly, "Please Severus." Her voice was suddenly tired. "I need you to do this."

Something in her voice told Snape to stop being so stubborn and at least give her a chance to plead her case. He sighed deeply. "Why do you need me to look after them? Can't you take them with you? I'm sure two teenagers would thrive in the Amazon."

"Are you crazy? There are laws and ordinances that don't permit anyone not in direct connection with the study to go into the rain forest; I don't have time to watch their every move! It's dangerous! I really have no where else for them to go, Sev."

Why she had a child was beyond him. Despite her wild, outgoing nature, he had thought she had more sense then to let herself be burdened with a daughter. But what could he do? It was his niece after all... Perhaps she would be somewhat helpful. He sighed again. What was he thinking? Chrissy was infecting his brain. "You say they'll be helpful and stay out of my hair?" He scowled in self-hatred. Why was he being such a pushover? Perhaps it was because he was in such a hurry to get to the pub before his informant left.

"I promise they'll help out, and believe it or not, Lauren will stay out of your hair way more when Dani's around. They're such cute friends." Chrissy held her breath, praying he would say yes.

Cute? He knew this would be an interesting summer- among other things. "I won't pay for their expenses. I won't chaperone them here and there. I won't tolerate any misbehaving. If they do so much as put one foot over the line I'll throw them out. I mean that." He stressed knowing that Christine hardly ever took him seriously.

Chrissy sighed with relief. "Oh my gosh, thanks sooo much, Severus! I'll tell them to behave, of course I know they would anyhow, but I'll make sure they know exactly what you said! Thank you thank you thank you!" She was practically limp with relief.

Snape groaned and hung up on her ramblings. She could really get under his skin sometimes. Well, most people did, but her gushing was most intolerable.

Snape, now fully irritated, picked up the last of the documents and placed them into the briefcase with the rest of the papers. He closed the lid and left his study. It was a fair drive to the meeting place and Severus wanted to get this over and done with quickly so he drove rather fast. His black sports car enjoyed the unusual burst of speed. Occasionally he would check the rear vision mirror to see if anyone was following him. Luckily he was alone.

Once he arrived at the pub he locked his car, walked slowly to the door and entered the musty establishment hoping that all would go smoothly. He looked around at the odd assortment of people until he found the man he was here to meet.

The man in the dark blue cloak looked up as Snape entered the pub and approached his table. He took a sip from the dusty glass sitting in front of him while Snape took a seat. He nodded in acknowledgment.

"Let's do this outside," Snape instructed curtly.

Again the cloaked stranger nodded and stood up. He followed Snape through the back room of the small pub and outside to the alleyway, which appeared to hold only an overfilled dumpster.

Severus looked carefully around the back alleyway and performed a few revealing spells. Fortunately, there was no one lurking. If anyone saw what they were doing or what was contained within the documents he was about to hand over, they would automatically be on death row.

The man averted his eyes from the magic working. It wasn't something he liked to see too often as his jealous nature would sometimes overpower him. He sighed as Snape turned back to him. "Can we get this over with?"

Snape gave him a look that said, 'patience.' He handed over the briefcase carefully. "You'll find it's all there," he said quietly. Then he issued another glare that said 'you better not screw this up.'

The man met Snape's gaze with an amount of conviction the matched the emotion in his glare. He wasn't the one with any real risk of screwing up here and they both knew it. He took the briefcase briskly and snapped it open, balancing it on his arm. He glanced over the contents quickly before snapping it shut and smiling wryly. "Pleasure doing business with you." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"The pleasure is all mine, I assure you." Snape's voice was not dripping with sarcasm. He was more relieved than he looked to be rid of these troublesome documents. He only hoped their plan would work. Only time would tell. He turned sharply on his heel and exited through the pub before gladly driving back to his house.

……………

It was towards the end of school the next May when Severus Snape was grading some student's Potions essays when a tawny owl flew in the window and landed right next to his arm.

He lazily untied the letter from the owl, paid it, then sent it flying out the window on its way back to its master. He took a quick look at the return address, paused for a moment, then decided to place the letter aside to read after he had completed his task when his mind was less burdened and he would be able to focus.

………

Draco smiled as he amusedly watched Crabbe and Goyle wrestle about the Slytherin Common Room. In one corner, Blaise Zambini was taking bets as to who would win this match. The young blonde looked away from the fight as Pansy ran into the room, a bit breathless. "Draco?" She addressed the whole room, having not yet seen her quarry.

"Over here, Pansy." He waved one hand to gain her fleeting attention. He wondered what she could possibly want this time.

She walked over to his chair in a very official manner. "Professor Snape insists he see you in his office immediately." Conspiratorially, she added in a whisper, "Do you think he's found out about last night?" Draco rolled his eyes. "Nothing happened last night, you twit. Bugger off." He rose from his rather comfortable chair and walked out of the room, making his way toward the other end of the dungeons. When he reached the office, he heard voices coming from within.

"I won't hear any of your pathetic excuses, Flint. Your talents on the Quidditch pitch do not apply in an essay on sleeping draughts."

Draco heard some muffled mumbles before the unmistakably angry voice of his Head of House and Potions Master rang loudly throughout the stone corridor .

"THAT is QUITE enough, Flint! Now get out of my sight and do not attempt to create such rubbish again!"

The door opened with a bang and Flint stormed out past Draco without even seeing him.

Draco watched Flint's retreating form for a moment before stepping quietly into the office. "You wanted to see me sir?"

Severus nodded but didn't look up until he had put Flint's pathetic excuse for a paper back into its alphabetical spot within his desk drawer. "Sit."

Draco sat. He wondered what Snape could possibly want. He knew his own essay was good. Unless... had he put his name on it?

Snape leaned back in his chair and clasped his hands in his lap. "I have some rather…unfortunate news." His brow furrowed in concentration. How to put this? He had taken so long to accept the idea himself and didn't particularly want Malfoy to throw a hissy fit as he predicted he would.

Draco rolled his eyes. How bad could it be if he had had no news of this himself already? "And this news is…?"

Snape cleared his throat. "Your father has so _graciously _entrusted me with your safety over the summer."

Draco stared for a moment. "Why… I mean… you?"

Snape sighed. "Trust me, I have no inclination whatsoever for you to stay with me for three months," he said this with a loathing sneer, "but neither of us have any choice so I would expect you to keep your complaints to yourself as I have done." He pressed on despite Malfoy's mutterings. God he was sick of students whining and whinging. "You will not go home with the other students on the Hogwarts Express, instead you will remain here for two extra days while I participate in post-planning." Malfoy made a most unpleasant face at Snape. Snape, always on the ball, made one back, which made Malfoy wipe his off. Snape had a knack of letting students know that the conversation was over without even saying a word. But, just for good measure, he added, "That is all. You may leave now."

Draco sighed. He'd have to owl his father about this later, but there was obviously nothing he could do about the situation at the moment, so he'd better just go. He stood and nodded to Snape, who had already returned to his work grading papers with a brilliant red quill, then escorted himself out.

……………

Draco watched forlornly as the rest of the student body of Hogwarts boarded carriages to go to the train station. He waved grudgingly at Crabbe and Goyle, who seemed very sad to go without him. He could tell this was going to be a very long two days, while Snape cleaned up his office and carried out his teacherly duties. He just hoped the older man wouldn't ask him to help.

As it turns out, Snape didn't want anything to do with him. Malfoy was forced to amuse himself, which he didn't half mind, while Snape tried his best to avoid even looking at Malfoy for the next two days. After all, Snape wouldn't be able to evade him once he was living in his house. Snape busied himself with his work and almost completely forgot about Malfoy. Almost. There was still an annoying thought circling in the back of his mind as he went about his business. He didn't want the peace and solitude of his summer escape to be intruded upon. It wasn't the way things went. He went to school for a year then every summer he got to enjoy the quiet without ever seeing another student. He didn't even want to think about what this summer would be like now.

Draco was relieved to be ignored, at least to start off. He finished a good bit of his summer work and read a bit of a new book, but his eyes soon tired of looking at small print and he was quite bored. He tried exploring the castle, but ended up simply walking aimlessly down corridors he was tired of seeing. If this was what the rest of the summer would be like, he was going to kill himself just for the amusement of watching the blood flow.

……………

A/N: This story is a collaboration between me, Lauren, and my best friend, Danielle (her stories can be found under rickmanlover24601). We warn you that this story will be very long and yes, Mary Sue-a-fied. Please don't flame us for that reason. This story will have many wacky plot twits, which we hope will keep you entertained and amused. We apologize for that rather dark final sentence. The majority of this story is light hearted fun, and we will warn you if it includes otherwise. Thanks for reading and please review!


	2. Settling Down For The Summer

Two days later Snape, his belongings already packed and in the care of the house elves, rapped sharply on Draco Malfoy's door. _He had better be ready or I'll skin him alive for making me late. _He thought as he tapped his foot impatiently.

Draco looked up quickly from his summer homework. He was fast becoming tired of preparing for N.E.W.T.'s. He opened the door to the sound of the professor's tapping foot, after winding his way around the trunks full of his things that cluttered the floor.

"Tell me you're ready, Malfoy." Professor Snape articulated.

"I'm ready sir." Draco's voice held the barest hint of sarcasm.

"Good. Leave your things here for the house elves." Snape turned on his heel and walked outside.

Malfoy followed after waving his wand and whisking his homework into a trunk.

Once outside, Snape Accioed his broomstick. He had had no wish to carry it outside.

Draco sighed. _Why is it that teachers never tell you everything you need to know?_ "Sir, I wasn't aware that I would be needing my broomstick."

Snape sighed loudly. "Foolish boy. How did you _think_ we were getting home?"

"I hadn't thought about it sir." Draco looked a bit sheepish.

Snape growled. _This will be a wonderful summer._ Obviously his dripping sarcasm was not only limited to his voice. "Then do something about it." Snape tapped his foot impatiently again.

Draco hurriedly Accioed his broomstick.

"Finally." Snape mounted and kicked off hard. He loved this feeling; the wind rushing through his hair and robes. The feeling of freedom. He really did need to polish up his skills. Perhaps over the summer he could get away from Malfoy and have a fly. Not likely though. Snape never really cared whether or not Malfoy was behind him, but he turned his head to check anyway. Yes, the tagalong was indeed following close behind. Drat.

Draco rode a few feet behind and to the right of his teacher, staying completely silent until he saw the older man look back at him. "How much further is your house, Prof. Snape?" Draco shouted over the rush of the wind.

Snape didn't feel like shouting, so he pulled out his wand, gave it a flick and the words 'twenty minutes' flashed briefly in the sky. He wasn't worried about being seen, as he had muttered an invisibility spell over the two of them before taking off.

Draco scowled at Snape's back. _Show off._ After a quiet twenty minutes, they landed in front of a rather large, dilapidated house. It was hidden slightly from view by large trees that seemed to Draco great ones for climbing, though he had long grown out of that. The white paint on the sides was peeling and in dire need of some repair. Weeds and vines grew haphazardly on and around the two-story house while the black shutters seemed to hang on by a thread at odd angles. It contrasted drastically to Draco's parent's neat and tidy newly renovated mansion.

"Is this it?"

Snape rolled his eyes as he dismounted. "No Draco, this is an orphanage. I'm dropping you off here for the summer." Snape wandered over to the house and took out his key (which had the added bonus of briefly lifting the wards at the same time it unlocked the door). As Snape opened the front door, he thought, _That__ isn't a half-bad idea, I only wish I could do it._

Draco stood still for a moment, shocked by the sudden, unexpected sarcasm. He'd heard that Snape could be humorous, but he'd never actually witnessed it. Shaking his head, he followed Snape into the house. As he walked up the front porch stairs, he wondered what his parents were doing. _Probably something stupid._ He didn't want to spend the summer with them... but he still wasn't sure whether or not it might have been better than a summer with a teacher. He looked up to see Snape looking at him.

"You can put your things in the guest room. It's down the hallway to the left." Snape got right to business. "The bathroom is opposite. I sleep upstairs and my study is downstairs. If you have any sense in you, you'll stay clear of both those areas."

So there wouldn't be servants to do things for him... To Draco, his parents were sounding infinitely better already. He picked up his bags and walked to the room Snape had indicated, without a word.

"And Malfoy..." Draco turned. Snape cleared his throat. "No friends. Of any sort." With that he briskly descended out of sight down the stairs to his study.

Don't get the wrong idea; Snape liked Draco, to a certain extent. As a student, though. Living with him for three months in close proximity was another thing altogether. Snape loved his privacy more than anything in the world and in one swift owl, it had been destroyed.

Draco watched Snape vanish with a sense of amusement... as if he'd want to have friends _here_... He didn't want anyone to even know where he spent his summer, much less see it. Besides, all his friends were either on exotic vacations or, in Pansy's case, a bit annoying. He didn't want to see her any more than he had to, part of the reason he had given in to coming here so easily.

Snape would probably never get his book written, what with worrying whether Draco was setting the house on fire or not. He always was a worrier. Snape sat down heavily in his chair and picked up his quill, desperately hoping that the ideas he had this morning hadn't already vanished into the air. Luckily they hadn't and his hand flowed swiftly from piece of parchment to piece of parchment.

Snape sat and wrote, the words coming easily to him and setting themselves eloquently down on the paper. He sat like this for what seemed a short time but was indeed a few hours.

……………

As Draco stepped into his new bedroom and set his things down with a sigh, he took a look around. Boring. A bed and a night stand, with a dresser in the corner and a desk by the window, which looked out over a dull view of shrubs blocking the sky from sight. Maybe he could convince Snape to get someone out to trim them. Sighing, he moved to unpack his things, pulling out his wand and making things zoom round the room as he thought about how much he wished there were servants to do this for him.

When he finished, Draco slipped off his shoes and lay down in the bed, which had non-descript gray trappings, and fell asleep. He was tired from the trip and couldn't see anything better to do.

…………….

It was only when Snape's stomach seemed to cry out in hunger that he wrapped up his fifth chapter and decided to get something to eat. No doubt Malfoy would also be hungry. After neatly stacking his dried papers in his desk drawer, and placing the wet ones on his desk, he climbed the stairs regretting that he had left eating for so long. He looked around for any signs of Draco but couldn't see him, so he headed to the kitchen wondering if it would soon be time to order some more food supplies. He stood in the middle of the kitchen and waved the cupboard doors, and refrigerator open so he could better see what was still edible and what was moldy with age.

………….

When he woke, Draco froze before remembering where he was. As his memory returned to him, his stomach growled, not giving him the liberty of deciding what to do next. He slipped his shoes back on and wandered down the hallway in search of a house elf, before realizing that there weren't any servants and resigning himself to finding food on his own. He found the kitchen fairly quickly, and saw that Snape had apparently had the same idea. "Is there anything to eat?"

Snape gave Malfoy a look that said 'look around and you'll see.'

"Oh..." Draco blinked. "So what are you going to do?"

Of course, Snape never really ate much and only had to buy food for one person, not two, so there really wasn't anything worth eating. Besides that, he hadn't done his yearly shopping trip yet, and the kitchen hadn't been stocked since last summer.

Snape rolled his eyes and pulled his wand out of his robes. "What do you want?" He asked in a bored, 'do I really have to do this' voice.

Draco had no idea how to live without servants, so he hoped Snape would be able to conjure up some food. But, despite his confusion, his voice retained its usual arrogance. "Hm... Some roast quail with a side of asparagus and bread pudding would be fine." He normally wouldn't have been so relaxed with Snape, but the man had been behaving a bit more humanely than usual today.

Snape glowered at Malfoy, not appreciating his insolence, and waved his wand. "There, enjoy." A plate of roast beef sandwiches and two glasses of milk appeared on the island. . Snape sat down and took a sandwich.

Draco expected Snape to say no, but he hadn't expected to be completely made a fool of. "What! This is... This is peasants' food!" Snape surely didn't expect him to eat this roast beef, which was no doubt marbled with fat, and besides, a sandwich? Malfoys did _not_ eat sandwiches.

Snape's head jerked up from his food and stared at Draco as if he had just broken every rule in his classroom. "While you're here, you'll eat what I eat _without_ complaint." He went back to his sandwich in disgust.

"Never mind..." That look was made to kill, and even Draco had to give in. He sat down gingerly and picked up one of the sandwiches. When he bit into it, he was surprised to find that it actually was decent, and had a special sauce that made it absolutely delicious. But, of course, he had no intention of admitting this to Snape.

Snape watched Draco scoff the sandwiches down one after the other. He could tell Draco was hungry but could also guess that his own special recipe had not gone unnoticed. It was a small token to Snape, who was not at all used to sharing things. In only a few minutes the plate was empty. "More?" Snape inquired after taking a sip of milk.

Draco didn't want to seem greedy, but he was still hungry, so he gave in. "I suppose."

Snape waved his hand and refilled the plate. He figured if they were going to live together, he may as well make the most of his company, as much as he loved being alone. "So where did your parents go?" He was always intrigued to hear what was going on in Voldemort's world. He was a "follower" but seemed to "work" best from a distance, not constantly in the spotlight like Lucius.

Draco picked up another sandwich and ate it a bit slower than he had the last few. He finished his first bite before replying, "Southern France somewhere. Toulon, I think." After another bite, he added, "The Dark Lord had work for them." Draco kept his reply as short as possible, but he felt as if he had to give Snape a little extra information.

Snape took a small sandwich and chewed on it thoughtfully. Obviously the boy wouldn't or couldn't spill what they were doing for him and he didn't want to seem too inquisitive by asking.

Draco felt rather sorry for the older man, whose lonely life would've driven the boy insane, though he didn't know much about it. They finished the meal in silence and Draco went back to his room to work on the obligatory letter to his mother.

Snape drank the last of his milk and went back to his study to write.

…………………..

A/N: Well, there you have it folks, the second chapter. Don't worry, the action will pick up soon, I promise. Hope you enjoyed and please please give us some reviews! J


	3. Meet the Girls

Short A/N: Don't bother going to the footnotes until you're done reading,they'refunny, not necessary.

……

As they sat staring mindlessly at a picture box that Snape called a television in the lounge room the next day, a piercing ring interrupted the monotonous drone of the characters in the film, making both Snape and Draco jump out of their thoughts.

"What the hell is that?" Draco exclaimed, clearly not used to the ways of the muggle world.

"Mind your language Malfoy." Snape reprimanded as he stood up and walked out of the room.

Draco watched in astonishment as Snape exited. The ringing continued until Snape murmured a quiet word or two which he couldn't hear._ That was weird..._

The phone continued to ring until Snape lazily picked it up. _What now? _"Hello?" He muttered.

"Hi, Uncle Sev?"

Snape rolled his eyes. _Is there no peace around here? _He was half wishing it to be a telemarketer. They were always fun to mess with. But no… it had to be his niece. Damn his sister for having children.

"Yes Lauren?"

"Mum told me to call and remind you we were coming over on the 21st- that's today, by the way."

"You think I don't know what date it is, you dunderhead?" _What does she take me for? An idiot?_

"Well, actually, I wasn't sure." I giggled. "I mean, you live by yourself, right? I have trouble remembering the date and that's _with_ people around to remind me."

"Yes, we all know your forgetful tendencies Lauren. There's no need to flaunt them around. Makes you look even more ridiculous then you already are."

"So-rry. Gosh. Anyway, we'll be there in a few minutes by Floo powder so make everything pretty for us!"

Snape scoffed. _But wait... what did she just say?_ "You're coming over?"

Lauren paused, thinking. "You didn't forget, did you?" She teased.

_Me? Forget? _"Of course not, what do you take me for?"

"An uncle, of course. You're not exactly an aunt, are you?"

Snape hung up abruptly. Lauren was exhausting to talk to.

Draco wandered in. "What was that?"

Snape turned around. "My niece. Annoying little twit."

"But... that ringing..."

Snape realized Draco was hopeless with muggle inventions. "You really should get out more Malfoy. It's called a telephone. People communicate with you on them." He rolled his eyes. He hated explaining things to ignorant people.

"Why not just use a fire?"

"The telephone is much quicker and easier. Did you clear up the kitchen?" Snape hated mess of any sort and knew that their lunch's remains were still sitting out. He began to ascend the stairs to get ready for his unwelcome guests.

"No." Draco was aghast. Him? Clean a kitchen?

Snape stopped and looked down at his student. "Then go clean it. There are people coming soon." And with that he climbed the stairs.

Draco stood helplessly for a moment, before heading back toward the kitchen. He stared at the mess for a moment, then sighed and took out his wand.

……..

"Lauren… are you sure this Floo powder works?" Danielle was highly skeptical since she had never used it before.

"Sure it does! I use it all the time. Well, I've used it twice… okay, so maybe only once. But it does work!" Lauren answered optimistically.

Danielle shook her head at Lauren's incorrigible attitude. "So what is your uncle like, Lauren?" She asked as the girls finished adding personal touches to their suitcases.

"You mean, apart from being an old stick?"

"Lauren!" She always saw the bad things in people- but then she ignored them. Only she could get away with talking to her uncle so sassily as she just had.

"Well he is!" Lauren smiled mischievously at Danielle. "He's in a perpetually bad mood and doesn't like big crowds, and is what I could refer to as a tortured soul. But honestly, he can be decent if he wants."(1.)

"So you mean he's not always decent?" Danielle asked as she put down Lauren's makeup she was looking at.

"He's… unpredictable." Lauren answered as she stuffed the make up into her case and zipped it up.

"What do you mean by that?" Danielle was really curious by now.

"He's _old_. And he can be very strict. For god's sake, he would probably call me by my last name if it wasn't the same as his! And he did just call me a dunderhead… Oh, you'll see what he's like. I bet you'll like him." Lauren knew that Danielle had weird taste in people. She paused to survey the room making sure she hadn't forgotten anything. "Well, I think we're ready to go!" She grabbed Danielle's hand and dragged her out to the fireplace.

As Lor dragged Danielle, she asked her out of curiosity, "How old is he?"

"About thirty-five, I think. But wizards live about twice as long as muggles do, so actually you could say he's only about 17. But he certainly _looks_ thirty-five. Maybe older, I dunno. He's greasy."(2.)

_"Ewww…_"

Lauren laughed at Danielle just as they approached the fireplace.

"I'm not too sure about this Lor…" Danielle moaned.

"Don't worry! It'll be fine!"

In a few green and popping sounding minutes, the two girls appeared in Snape's lounge room fireplace.

Draco heard from the kitchen and came to see who had come. As he nudged the door open, his eyes were greeted with the sight of two girls about his age dusting themselves off and pulling their suitcases out of the fireplace. _One of those must be Snape's niece. But who is the other girl? Does he have two?_

Figuring Snape wasn't ready to be bothered yet, he stared uncertainly at the bouncing girl and her companion.

Lauren bounced up and down as a guy about her age walked into the room. _What the heck? _She hadn't known there was going to be someone else here. If she hadn't known this was her Uncle Sev's house, she would've thought they had gone to the wrong place. She stared silently.

"Hi." Danielle smiled sheepishly. Lauren hadn't told her who he was, but he looked like a stuck up brat...although somewhat good looking.

Lauren, of course, had no patience for formalities. Bluntly, she asked, "Who are you?"

……

Well, there we are, another chapter posted despite the meager number of reveiws we've received. REVEIW, PEOPLE! I'm Lor, the other author of this fic. All the other AN's have been written by my coauthor. We often insert little jokes into our writing, and in order ot maintain the continuity of the fic, we're not leaving them smack in the middle of the story. Instead, we'll put a little asterisk next to where it should be and you can read it at the end. If you bothered to go to the foot note before you finished the chapter, I'm sorry. Next time, wait till the end of the chapter and go back. They story's better that way in my opinion. Thanks for reading! REVEIW!

Footnotes and such:

(1. Quote thanks to: www. fan fiction. net /2004 527/18 (minus the spaces) )

(2. Maybe he'd look better in pigtails.)


	4. Happy Birthday, Uncle Sev!

Draco wasn't sure who these people were or why they were here, and he hated being uninformed. Just then Snape came down the stairs. "Malfoy! They're _still _standing about with their luggage?" He sighed. "Well, come in, if you're coming." (1.) He reluctantly waved them forward.

"Fine." Draco muttered under his breath. "Treat me like a guest, why don't you?" The sarcasm was obvious.

Snape heard him and gave him a look that silenced his protests.

_Yup, I was right. One bratty kid comin' up,_ thought Danielle.

"So, Uncle Sev... Happy Birthday!" Lauren tried her best to ignore the specimen of rude, but extreme hotness that was standing beside her as she held out a messily wrapped chartreuse package covered in magically sparkling purple ribbon.

"It's your birthday?" Draco sounded a bit confused. _A birthday with no obvious celebration?_

Snape chose not to answer that. He raised an eyebrow and took the package that Lauren was thrusting at his chest. He pressed his ear against and shook it. It didn't make a sound.

Lauren grinned expectantly, saying, "I hope you like it! It just seemed to scream your name at me when I saw it. It really suits you."

Snape raised his other eyebrow. Intrigued, he opened it slowly, noting Lauren's shoddy wrapping job. He was somewhat wary of what she had given him. It was rare that anyone gave him a gift. The last time he had gotten any presents was at Hogwarts and they always ended up in embarrassment or disaster. Either Lauren would be mean and give him some cursed present or, for once, he'd get something he liked. He hoped it was the latter.

It was… a book. A leather bound book with gold edging. A small frown mixed with an intrigued smirk appeared on his face. He fought against laughing but couldn't help the chuckle that escaped. Snape would have asked if this was a joke, but he knew Lauren too well. She was plainly just an idiot.

Lauren's expectant look turned confused. "What is it?"

Snape looked up at her, still smirking. "You realize you gave _me _a _book_?

"Yes…"

"And you realize it's called _101 Defenses for the Defenseless_?"

"Yes… What's your point?"

Snape paused, milking her confusion for as long as possible. "Did you happen to note who the _author_ is?"

Danielle wondered what he was getting at. She hadn't been with Lauren when she picked out the gift. What had she done wrong?

"Well, no…" Lauren hoped it wasn't actually a joke book or written by someone he absolutely hated.

Snape held out the book. "Would you care to read the name to me?"

"Sure! It's… Severus Snape… Oh." Lauren hung her head to hide the fact that she was laughing at herself.

Danielle smiled. Gosh Lauren was an idiot sometimes.

Draco smirked. _Twit._

Snape shook his head. "Well, if I didn't know this book upside down and inside out… I'd say it's the perfect gift for me." He walked over to the bookshelf and filed the present away next to another copy of his book.

Lauren blushed. "Sorry. I'll buy you something different later."

Snape turned around. "Don't worry, I wasn't expecting anything anyway." He didn't feel like being in Lauren's debt, despite the fact this was supposed to be a birthday present.** (Gah! I'm another year older! I'm 38! I'm OLD!)**

Desperate to change the topic, Lauren asked, "So who's the guy, Uncle Sev?" She thought about asking if it was a new boyfriend, but he looked too young for her uncle... besides the fact that she was fairly sure Uncle Sev was straight.

"Draco Malfoy. And Malfoy, this is Lauren, and...wait, who are you?" He stared at Danielle confused.

Loudmouthed as always, Lauren couldn't let her introduce herself. "This is Danielle, my bestest friend in the whoooooole world, Uncle Sev. She's spending the summer with us, remember?" Danielle sighed.

"Hi," Danielle mumbled. She was never good with strangers.

Snape gave a small nod.

"Danielle's a little shy." Lauren told her uncle this rather apologetically. She was trying to cover the fact that her friend was apparently scared to death of him, for some reason.

"Oh is she?"

Danielle flinched. He was so cold. Snape didn't seem to care much about her.

Draco had gathered from the conversation that the loud girl must be the twit Snape had been talking about earlier. Draco sighed. He always felt very superfluous in situations like this.

"Now, which room do you want us to sleep in? Which one do you have, Draco? Do I know you from somewhere?"

**("No. No one should know me. No one at all. I wish to remain anonymous for my entire life. Do you have a problem with that?"  
Lauren broke out in giggles. cut)**

Draco rolled his eyes as Lauren continued to smile at him. She had decided that he was very pretty, and if he would just lose his oh-so-obvious bad attitude, he would make a really nice boyfriend.

Lauren turned to Danielle and glanced at Draco, who had completely started ignoring her, before mouthing the word, "Cute!"

Danielle rolled her eyes. Lauren always was into boys. It was a wonder they got on so well.

"I see you haven't calmed down since last time I saw you," Snape commented after Draco had disappeared.

"Of course I haven't calmed down, Uncle Sev. That would be boring. Now, answer my question. Where are we sleeping? I want to get ready."

Snape couldn't believe Lauren had the guts to order him around.

"And where, pray tell, will you be getting ready to go, young lady?"

"We're going to celebrate!"

"And why is that?" he asked. A birthday wasn't a good enough reason. Not for him anyway.

"It's your birthday! You need to get out more, Uncle Sev." Lauren sounded almost reproachful.

"I hardly think coming to MY house gets me 'out'." He mumbled. Though he really didn't mind staying at home. It suited him best.

Danielle smiled to herself. He was so right.

"That's why we're going out to lunch, Uncle Sev!"

Snape groaned outwardly. "Lunch, out? But I just ate. Sorry to disappoint you. I really couldn't eat another bite."

"Then we'll go shopping!" Lauren loved to shop, and she sounded very excited at the prospect.

"Shopping?" _When do I ever get to decide what happens with my life? Never..._

Danielle could hear the absolute panic in his voice. This was something 'Uncle Sev' was not used to.

Lauren decided to give in to Uncle Sev on this one. She knew that he abhorred shopping. "Or, you know, maybe we could just go for a cup of tea or something. After all, you look as if you could use some caffeine."

"That sounds... fine," he uttered. Severus was _almost _grateful to her. Anything but girly shopping. Severus Snape brewed potions, chased Death Eaters, but NEVER EVER went... shopping.

Draco made to slip out of the room. If he stayed, he might get roped into going somewhere with that... twit.

Danielle sat there watching this interesting exchange. It certainly was better than sitting at home doing nothing.

"Coolies! Now, how are we getting there? We didn't exactly bring a car."

"Oh well in that case, we'll be fine here." Snape was almost pleading them to leave him alone. If he won, he'd win everything. Safe in his house, hidden away from them all in his study.

Danielle had nothing to say, as she had no choice of what to do or where to go.

"Well, I have some summer homework I should work on. Tell me if you're leaving." Draco had almost slipped away when he heard Lauren's voice.

"Hey, Uncle Sev, don't you have a car round here somewhere? Wouldn't that hold four people?"

_Damn. She's got me. Or not..._ "Doesn't work." Was his simple answer.

"Right." _Like I'm going to take that for an answer._ "Well, luckily, Beauxbatons has a very good outlook on enchanting muggle objects. I've just finished a course in muggle autos."

_Damn._ Again he cursed his sister for having a smart kid. Too smart.

Lauren smiled. She had him now.

"Well, actually... it might go." He mumbled under his breath.

"What was that, Uncle Sev?" The persistent girl pushed for a more satisfying answer.

He sighed. "I said 'it might work.'" Why did she torture him? She was worse than two Death Eaters...

"Oh good. Let's get going then!"

Danielle couldn't help feeling sorry for him. All he wanted was some peace and quiet and silly Lor wouldn't leave him alone.

"Lauren..." Danielle warned.

Lauren was smiling gleefully. _Ah, at last a chance to get the old man out and about. If I'm lucky, I will be able to find him a girlfriend. _  
"What?"

Danielle didn't say anything and shrunk back into her seat. "Nothing...just...nothing."

"I'm just being a good niece. At least I didn't make him go shopping." She whispered this behind her hand as she watched the mysterious Draco, who had stayed to hear what was going on, try once again to disappear around the corner.

"Okay… whatever."

"Where do you think you're off to, Malfoy? Did you think you would be allowed to stay here alone?"

Draco quickly looked at Snape and replied, "No sir, just going to get ready." _Sod it._

"Very good." Snape knew Malfoy was lying, but he'd let it slide this time

Lauren looked at her uncle. "Again… which room do we have?" She was getting rather tired of that question.

Snape waved a hand in the direction of a hallway off to the left. Danielle started walking down it and opening doors to satisfy her curiosity, and Lauren followed, supposing that they would just choose a room. Which wasn't hard, as the door Danielle was opening led to the only other bedroom on the main level besides Draco's.

"Ooo… Lauren, look at this room!" She opened the door to the room at the end of the hallway wider and walked in looking around. The room had a double bed in the middle with a carpeted step up to it. There were shelves on the walls with castles and dragons and candlesticks. The walls were painted black and red sponged. She liked it. Liked it a lot.

"Ooo! Pretty! We're staying in here, Uncle Sev!" Lauren walked in and dropped her bags on the bed.

Draco walked to his room. He was going to at least look decent if they were going out. He was still in his traveling clothes from that morning, and wasn't about to have anyone important see him as he was, in a wrinkly black robe that sagged round his shoulders. He changed slowly into non-wrinkly black slacks and an emerald green shirt, hoping they would forget about him and go ahead.

Snape stood up. "How did I get sucked into this?" He wandered slowly out the back door and down the steps, trying his best to take as looonggg as he could. Snape walked around the side of the house cursing his heritage. He waved his wand and the wooden shed door squeaked open. A sparkling, spotless, and obviously well loved two-door black SS Camaro sat quietly ready for action, like a waiting panther.

……..

(1.) Quote from the movie Blow Dry… Alan Rickman (Snape) is in it, you should see it.

Hope you liked, please please please review. Until next time!


	5. On the Way to Lunch

"So, Danielle, he's not so bad, right?" Lauren hoped she hadn't put Danielle off completely with her earlier comments.

Danielle shook her head. "He's not so bad. I kinda... feel sorry for him."

"Me too. But don't let him know that. He'd go nuts."

Danielle giggled. "Yeah, probably." She paused. "So has he got any other family?" She asked while they waited for the two men...boys... whatever.

"Well, I've got another uncle but I don't think they talk much. They don't really like each other."

"Aww… why not?"

"I'm not sure really. Something happened a long time ago, and they've never bothered to explain it à moi." She liked to intermingle French and English sometimes.

Snape reluctantly opened the car door and slid in. He loved this thing too much to use it as an everyday town car. And if he had to use this all the time with the girls, well, he wouldn't be very happy. He was taking the car out for just this once because he couldn't help feel a little smug that he could show this off to the children. He had a feeling someone would be very jealous.

**(1)**

Draco soon found that there's only just so long you can spend changing clothes and emerged from his bedroom.

Snape started the car, affectionately listening to the perfect purr of the engine. He revved the engine and accelerated around to the front of the house.

When Draco came out, he looked better than he had before. But she didn't let him phase her any more.

Snape blared the horn, then got out and lifted the seats so the tagalongs would be able to get in, though why he wanted to actually help them to spoil his birthday, he didn't know. He then waited for the others to come outside.

As we walked out the front door, Lauren started asking him questions. "So, Draco, why are you here?"

"I'm staying with Prof. Snape over the summer while my parents are away on business." His tone said, 'Don't ask me questions.'

Lauren smiled behind Draco's back_. We get to stay with the hot boy? All summer? Yay!_

"He's a professor?" Danielle asked, satisfied to finally know what her host did for a living.

"Yeah, didn't I tell you? He teaches at Hogwarts, that British school. Potions, I think it is, Draco?"

Draco nodded. "Yes, Prof. Snape is Potions Mater and Head of Slytherin House." He sounded rather proud of her uncle.

"That's interesting. How long has he been teaching?" Danielle inquired.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask him?" Lauren just had to get him into the conversation.

Danielle forgot her question as she directed her attention to the waiting car. She whistled. "Wow. Sweet ride."

Snape smirked. He was glad that he wasn't the only one that appreciated it.

Lauren looked at the vehicle appraisingly. "Very nice, Uncle Sev. Very nice."

Draco's reaction was one of confused admiration. "What is it?"

Snape just stared blankly at Malfoy. "I don't think that warrants an explanation."

Lauren giggled. "It's a _car, _you idiot!" Suddenly she stopped. "You're not really an idiot, I didn't mean to call you that. It just came out. Sorry, habit."

Draco glared at the impetuous girl. He then turned back towards his professor. "It's… nice."

"Well don't just stand there like imbeciles, get in." Snape commanded, almost wanting to apologize to the waiting car.

The teenagers slid into the car, Danielle in the front and Lauren and Draco in the back, fitting a bit snugly, which was fine with Lauren. A boy with Draco's looks sitting close to her was fairly close to heaven. _If only he'd lighten up a bit. _

Danielle hated talking to strangers as she got so nervous. Snape, a disgusted look on his face, buckled his seat belt and zoomed out of the driveway, causing the car to throw the occupants back into their seats. Maybe later she would ask him about his life, but not now.

Lauren buckled her belt as well, not sure how well her uncle drove. He seemed a bit reckless. She looked over and saw Draco pondering the little bit of metal beside his right ear curiously. "You do it like this." She leaned over, getting it out of his hand and fastening it adeptly.

He glared at her. "I could have done it. And don't touch me."

Lauren blushed. "Sorry…"

Danielle swiveled around in her seat to see what was going on. Her own seat belt was already fastened.

Snape looked back in the rear vision mirror. "Where are we going?"

"We're going to the Moon River Cafe. It's just a few minutes away."

"And where is that?" He was fighting the urge to turn the wheel and head back home, dropping the whole crew off on the side of the road first of course.

"It's just down the highway on your left. I love Moon River! They have the best tea, and they serve it in cute little Chinese cups! You even get to sit on pillows on the floor."

Snape's expression nearly made Danielle crack up laughing. _Oh god... I'm gonna burst._ The look on his face deepened from loathing dread to absolute horror.

Lauren felt Draco shudder next to her. Maybe he was scared of Chinese teacups.

"You know Lauren, if it's Mr. Snape's birthday, shouldn't he get to pick?" Danielle asked, willing herself to keep a straight face. Snape looked at her with an unfathomable expression. She would've liked to think it was a 'thank you Danielle... you saved me' look.

"Hm... Danielle's right… What do you want, Mr. Snape?" Lauren asked her uncle and teased Danielle at the same time.

Danielle wondered. _Why is everything I say funny?_

Danielle could see Snape thinking. After a moment he turned left and said, "Vampire's Nest."

He couldn't help it. It was his favorite. He never went there much as it was so expensive, but it was his birthday after all. Plus he loved to see the reactions on his passengers' faces. He'd let them make their own assumptions about the place.

"Vampire Nest?" It sounded a bit shady to her, but it was Uncle Sev's birthday, so Lauren kept her protests in her mind.

"It's Vampire'S Nest." He corrected but said no more. He was a stickler for grammar and well, he was just picky.

" Okay..." Lauren still wasn't sure. As if an extra letter would change things.

Danielle smiled to herself. This would be fun. Somehow she trusted this strange man. She could tell there was more to him than met the eye.

Draco felt slightly relieved. If Snape's tastes ran to places like Vampire's Nest, this summer might be okay.

Lauren kept quiet for the rest of the ride, hoping they were going somewhere that wouldn't freak Danielle out.

Snape drove in silence and soon the unlikely collection of people pulled up at the back of what seemed like a run down old factory.

……………….

(1) **Draco: looking at Snape's car: Is that the equivalent of a Nimbus 2007?**

**Snape: Yes… yes it is, Malfoy.**

**Draco: Oh… My… God… That is so totally awesome dude!**

So sorry for the long wait, it's taken us so long to write this and we're only half way done that we're afraid if we post too often we will run out of stuff to post. Lol. We've got heaps more pages stored up for now though, so don't worry. Even if you guys have to wait, you will get an update eventually. Thanks for those who have stuck with us. Have a good day.


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